


Lost

by wendyindahouse



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining!Cas, Self-Worth Issues, they're both idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 17:18:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1907361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendyindahouse/pseuds/wendyindahouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean manages the gas-n-sip where Cas works, but things have always felt strained between them so Cas keeps his head down and tries not to think about how much he likes Dean; how much he admires him for how he's handled everything life has thrown at him.  When Dean asks him to babysit his kid brother while he goes on a date, Cas swallows down the hurt and agrees, because it's for Dean, but eventually discovers that he's been so busy assuming Dean wouldn't be interested he might have missed what's been there all along...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted over on [my tumblr](http://poorbeautifuldean.tumblr.com) in response to this prompt:
> 
> There needs to be an AU where Dean is the single father manager of a gas station and Cas is the awkward employee. Dean asks Cas if he's busy Friday night and Cas thinks he's being asked to babysit whilst Dean goes on a date but Dean was actually asking him on a date.

Castiel finishes stocking the fridges and straightens up, eyes straying once again to where Dean is manning the register at the front of the store.  He’s leaning forward on the counter, chin propped on one hand as he chats easily to a petite blonde woman who is one of their regulars - Amber, he thinks her name is - who already paid for her gas and her pack of gum at least 10 minutes ago. 

Castiel flinches as she lets out a peal of laughter and Dean winks at her in response, smiling broadly.  He turns away, shoulders rigid, and fiddles with the candy bars on the shelves in front of him.  It still bothers him, watching Dean flirt with the Gas-n-Sip customers, even though he’s long since resigned himself to the fact that Dean will never be interested in him that way.   Sometimes though, he just can’t help the spark of jealousy, the flame of longing for Dean to look at him that way, for him to be the one to make Dean smile like that. 

It will never happen though.  Dean always seems unusually subdued around Castiel, reserved somehow, which is most likely his own fault.  Close proximity to Dean makes him feel awkward and ungainly.  It’s as though his skin somehow becomes too tight for his body and his words become clunky; as though Dean’s brightness and charm only serve to illuminate his own dullness more clearly. 

"Hey Cas!"  

Dean’s voice breaks into his thoughts, making him jump as Dean appears beside him.  ”I uh… I think those candy bars are gonna melt if you spend any longer straightening them up.”

Castiel smiles awkwardly, hands falling to his sides as he searches for something to say.  Dean beats him to it.

"Say Cas… you’re uh…" Dean pauses, one hand rubbing the back of his neck, uncharacteristically hesitant.  "You’re not free Friday night are you, by any chance?"

Envy spikes in Castiel’s gut and he looks away as Dean blushes slightly and a sweet, hopeful smile lifts the corners of his mouth.  Dean obviously made a date with Amber and needs Castiel to babysit.  He wants to say no - can feel the words forming on the tip of his tongue - but he can’t do it, can’t be that petty.  Because the truth is, Dean deserves this.

Dean has been sole guardian to his little brother Sam since their parents died three years ago.  He’d had to drop out of college, abandoning his engineering degree in order to take care of Sam, and take the job at the Gas-n-Sip so he could work shifts when Sam was at school.  He never complains, never begrudges Sam anything, and spends almost all his free time looking after Sam.  There’s no way Castiel can refuse him this chance to actually have a life for himself for once, however much it will hurt.

Dean’s smile has faded when Castiel glances back up at him, and any final doubts are extinguished by his crestfallen expression.

"As it happens, I am free," he admits, proud of how normal he manages to sound, despite his chest tightening painfully as Dean breaks into a beaming smile and Castiel realises just how much he must like this woman.

"So you wanna get to mine for around seven?" Dean asks, and Castiel just nods dumbly.  

"Awesome!  I’ve gotta go pick up Sammy, but I’ll see you Friday!" he exclaims, clapping Castiel on the shoulder before turning to leave.  

Castiel watches him go, heart weighing heavy in his chest.

*

*

*

By Friday, Castiel thinks he’s made his peace with it, but it takes him a good five minutes once he gets to Dean’s before he can make himself get out of the car.  He finally makes it to the front door, plasters on what he hopes is at least a semblance of a smile, takes a deep breath and knocks.  

The breath is punched out of him again when the door swings open and Dean is standing there in snug blue jeans and a fitted black button down, sleeves rolled up to reveal strong, freckled forearms.  It’s been a while since he saw Dean in anything other than his blue Gas-n-Sip vest, and he’d forgotten just how good he looks.  His mouth goes dry, and he feels the jealousy snaking it’s way through the pit of his stomach once more as Dean steps back to allow him inside.  He squares his shoulders, determined to get a grip on himself, and reminds himself that he’s doing this for Dean.  Dean is a good man, and it’s all worth it if it makes Dean happy.

Dean leads the way into the kitchen and crosses to the fridge.

"You want a beer?" he asks, but Castiel shakes his head.  Alcohol loosens his tongue and his inhibitions, not a good idea when he’s around Dean.  Dean takes one for himself and Castiel itches to ask how long before he leaves for his date.

"Where’s Sam?" he asks instead.

Dean pauses, bottle halfway to his lips.  

"He’s staying at a friend’s house tonight - a kid from his class at school - so I can have the place to myself."

Castiel blinks.

"But if Sam is there, why am I…" he trails off, confused, as Dean raises an eyebrow.

“ _Why are you_  what?” he asks, taking a long pull of his beer.

"Why am I here?" Castiel finishes, and Dean chokes.

"Wait… Cas… did you think…" Dean’s face flushes and his fingers clench around the neck of the bottle as he swallows hard.

"Cas, did you think I asked you here to babysit Sam?" he asks, voice strained.

Castiel tilts his head, confused.

"Of course.  While you go on your date with Amber," he states.

Dean runs a hand through his hair, looking down at his beer and scowling as though it’s personally offended him.  

"Figures," he mutters to himself scornfully.  "Of course you wouldn’t…" He stops, dragging in a shaky breath, then looks back up, green eyes clouded with sadness.

"Cas, I don’t have a date with Amber," he admits.  

"But you do have a date?"

"Uh… apparently not," Dean says softly.

"Dean,  _I don’t understand_ ," Castiel entreats, wanting desperately to console Dean, to erase that sadness, but completely lost as to its cause.

"I wanted to go on a date with you, Cas," Dean murmurs shyly, with a tiny shrug, and to Castiel it feels like time stands still.

"I should have known that I’m not… that you wouldn’t… wouldn’t want to be with someone like me," Dean continues, "but, I guess I hoped…" his voice cracks and he takes a deep breath, meeting Castiel’s gaze with a little shake of his head, eyes hard now.

"It’s fine, no worries.  You can head off and enjoy your Friday night after all," he concludes, tone brittle with feigned confidence, and takes another long pull of beer.

Castiel blinks slowly, butterflies taking wing in his stomach and a warmth growing in his chest, his gaze drawn to Dean’s mouth.

"Dean…" he breathes, voice loud in the thick silence that hangs between them as he steps forward, tongue flickering out to moisten his own lips.  Dean’s eyes track the movement then snap back to meet his own, questioning, hopeful.

"Dean, I…" he takes another step, reaching out with trembling fingers to cover Dean’s where they grasp his beer tightly.  "I would be honoured to be with someone like you.  I just couldn’t imagine you’d ever be interested in someone like me." _  
_

Dean’s head jerks up sharply.

"What?  But you’re… I mean… look at you!  And you’re so smart, and kind, and thoughtful.  I’m just not…"

Castiel silences him with a kiss, firm but fleeting.  

Dean lets out a soft gasp, eyes still closed, his breath warm and damp against Castiel’s lips, and Castiel feels his own breath hitch in response, caught in his throat along with his heart.

He waits, anxiety mounting as he scans Dean’s face, beginning to fear his response.  

Then Dean smiles, eyes slowly fluttering open, and it’s like the sun coming out.  All trace of sadness is gone as he reaches out to grip Castiel’s shoulder, pulling him close and bringing their mouths together once more.  

This kiss is softer at first, more gentle, but grows deeper as Dean slides his hand up to the back of Castiel’s neck, fingers tangling in the soft curls and tugging softly.  Castiel lets out a whimper and his own fingers curl around Dean’s hip, urging him closer.

The bottle crashes unheeded to the floor between them, lost in the rasp of gasping breaths, in the press of warm bodies, in the swell of  _want_ ,  _crave_ ,  _need._  Lost in the overwhelming sense of rightness, of  _yes, this, you, us._


End file.
